Some of you that read this post or the Paisley's blog know that we have been taking on a minimalist twist to our home and our lives. We have made some noticeable headway in the amount of belongings we have in our home and in our on site storage. We both feel good about the progress made, but we still realise that there is still more work to do. It's not easy to just start eliminating things out of your life without some sort of mental trauma.
Yes I've certainly gone through the phases of "gee this *enter any non descript item here* has some emotional value to me and I'm not sure if I can part with it" dilemma in my head. The Paisley has been there with me as well. We've been on the opposite side of that factor as well with the "I'm really sick of just knowing that all that useless crap is taking up space in our storage and I"m taking it to donate know" angry no guilt purge.
Well I've been doing some other purging as well. I've been purging my Facebook friend's list. I know, how could I?
Well it's easy goddamn it!!! I know I'm not the model of cheerfulness and I am working on clearing the spaces in my head that have allowed negativity to take up residence and with that I have come to realise that I have some friends in my life that are really not good for me mentally. Not that these people are bad by any means. They have been in my life for a reason and I have appreciated and enjoyed their friendships for the most part.
Now onto the bad. I did have one person in particular that I eliminated after further consideration of our "friendship". I came to realise that this person is a user. I will call this person H for the purpose of anonymity.
I met H in 1983. *Fuck I'm old* We seemed to hit it off and had common interest. Over the years we would have lunches or go to movies or school events. We had common friends that we would do things with. The only problem I had with H was the type A personality. H was definitely the Alpha Dog.
Yes it's hard to believe that I was not always the cynical and verbally opinionated bastard I am now. I was very introverted and in my own world. I did not like to go outside my comfort zones. Look at me now!!!
Back to the purging!! H had a way of manipulating people and getting what H wanted even if someone got hurt (mentally) in the process. I stood by and watched H emotionally manipulate another person into an intimate relationship that the other party just didn't want. It took me 6 years to realise just how hurtful H really was. My experience was the discovery of items stolen from my car in H's house and confronting H about them.
H denied everything of course. What H didn't know was that I would mark my belongings with a specific design that wasn't my name. Why? Well duh, if you put your name on something then that will make the thief file it off or erase it somehow. If it looks like a cool design, then you can pretty much guarantee that it will still be on there if found thereby making the item(s) easily identifiable. The designs were still there. Then there was lying about how H had obtained said items and where and when. H had quite the little web of cover up going on. That was the last time I saw or spoke to H.
Moving forward to 2010 and H pops up on my FB page requesting to be my friend. Ugh really? Well I decided that I could give it a try and see how it goes. It had been 21 years and H had to have grown up and was surely not the person that I had walked away from. Wow was I ever wrong. This time it's lies about H's life and all the drama associated with it.
In the last few months I've been getting repeated phone and FB messages: My SO has kicked me out. My SO is holding my dog hostage. I'm living in my truck and need a safe place. Can I borrow some money and your laptop?
It goes on. There are the stories about what H has been doing for the last 21 years that just don't add up. There is the growing list of friends that are coming to same conclusion I have about H.
It's not just about the lying and the made up stories. It's also about the lack of respect for my property. H had come to my house with their dog a couple of times and the dog just flat out peed on my hardwood floors and H did nothing to stop it, nothing to correct the dog after the fact and nothing to clean up after the dog!!!
H may need help, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not professionally qualified to provide the kind of help that H requires and with that I have eliminated H from my life. FB, phone number, email.Fortunately H does not remember where I live.
Then I started thinking about how many people are on my FB friends list and really looking at what kind of person that individual really is.
Like everyone I want to be the best person I can without compromising who I am for a facade of someone that I'm not. After all I'm pretty sure that I can still be my opinionated cynical self and be someone that is healthy to be around while continuing to be a complete bastard. It's possible.
I'm grateful for the people that I've met in the last few years IRL and virtually that have brought an aura of positive vibes to my life. I believe it's wearing off on me. I'm grateful for the people that I didn't know so well 20+ years ago that I've reconnected with that have brought all sorts of positive goodness to my life as well.
Belongings and friends: if they haven't been seen and utilised in the past year or more and it's not healthy for you, then it's probably time for them to go.
*Please note that the above rule is not applicable in every situation. Use your best judgment and common sense when purging belongings and unhealthy relationships*
Yes of course I have been the victem of a purging by more than one person. To quote Happy Harry Hardon: So Be It!!! I realise that as friendship develope and grow sometimes that means they grow apart. Don't be offended. It's not personal. Really it's not. As an example, I received a phone call 2 weeks ago from my oldest friend in life that I have not spoken to in 6 years. Guess what? I had deleted him from my life a few years ago. Sure it was hard at first. He was one of the first people I had purged. Not that I didn't care about him, but our lives grew apart. We didn't have anything in common anymore. Realistically his not ever contacting me may be his method of purging now that I think about it, I just hadn't caught on.
Or he could just be a self involved fuck that only thinks of himself.
I say that becuase when he called he had told me that he was only doing so becuase his just-a-biscuit-over-21 girlfriend thought that he should contact his longest known friend after questioning him one evening about his past and friends and how long he had known them all. I don't need a pitty call from him Anorexic Annie!!
I get to call her that becuase I know my friend and I know the type of trophy girl he likes.
Where was I? Purging..............so I continue to purge my physical belongings and my emotional space. Sometimes they do go hand in hand. I believe that having less emotional attachment to things that I receive now and in the future will mean easier purging when it's required.
What have you purged lately?