Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hollywood: Going Back To the Future

No one in Hollywood seems to have an original idea anymore. At least not in one of the big budget studios.

Remakes of original films have been going on for years. Some good. Most bad.

Well I've just read the most disturbing thing. This is actually being billed as a sequel. Still it's the principal of the matter.

TOP GUN II

*blank stares and open mouths*

TOP GUN II

I know. I can't believe it myself. WTF?

First off, the way the film is described and the realism approach are two different things.

Tom Cruise returns as a TOP GUN instructor. That's as far as the talk gets.

Now here's the real version.

After narrowly averting a crisis in the Gulf of India and successfully knocking commie pilots from the sky, Mav and Ice Man return to the carrier and a hero’s welcome.
Flash forward now 25 years since we last saw Mav and his lady “Charlie” embrace at the dinner on base. Their corner lot beach front house is on the auction block. They were the last of the holdouts…………the rest of the neighbourhood has become high end condos for the bourgeois that have had to sell their homes in the California budget crisis and downsize.



The poor little 356 Cabriolet is sitting on blocks in the driveway while a balding and slightly heavier Mav wrenches a Harley Panhead in the garage.


Charlie, now all leathery from the California sun and with puffy lips from too many botox injections, leans out the back door with her glass of Boon’s Strawberry Hill and yells for her man: “Hey Mav, take me to bed or lose me forever!”.


7 minutes later we see Mav zipping up his flight suit while heading out back to his Harley so he can go begin another day of flight instruction at the local flight academy for single engine certification. This is all that he is cleared for until the Navy budget can provide him with a much needed glaucoma surgery.

I know, not the happy pretty version you thought I was going for.

2 comments:

paisley penguin said...

I am truly disturbed!

mre30seattle said...

Glad to provide that for you. I actually threw up in my own mouth writing this piece of shit.